Three Men & A Baby
by Jaspre
Summary: Carlton puts the clues together before anyone else. Predictable plot, but I loved writing it! Shassie & Gules. Rated M for later chapter s .
1. Chapter 1

Note: So, okay. This is my first ever story. I'm doing it in chapters, so forgive me. This is Shassie & Gules story. I hope you enjoy it! :)

* * *

For the ten plus years Carlton Lassiter has been with the Santa Barbara Police Department, he has had to deal with some truly revolting things. The nature of crimes have only become more grisly over the years and, having been exposed to the worst of them, he no longer feels sick to his stomach when he sees a body, no matter the amount of blood at the scene or the body's state of decay. His iron stomach can handle anything.

Leave it to O'Hara to mess that up for him.

"O'Hara?" Carlton asked the moment he arrived at the station that morning. His partner was hunched over the trashcan by her desk and, judging from the looks of things, had just gotten sick. Carlton's own stomach started twisting in reaction- for the first time in years.

"Carlton, after all this time, I think you can call me Juliet or some variation," Juliet said while dry-heaving.

"You, uh, feeling alright?" He asked some minutes later. The last thing Carlton needed was a sick partner.

"Gee, Carlton, I'm hunched over my trashcan and throwing up everything I've eaten the past twelve hours. I'm just fine, thanks," Juliet groused. She continued throwing out waspish remarks the next few minutes, most of them complaining about how horrible her dinner was last night and that it must have made her sick and so on, before getting back to work.

After a few hours of surreptitiously watching his partner do paperwork, with no more incidences, Carlton decided to attempt asking about how close she was to finishing that report. He never had the chance. Just as he opened his mouth to ask, Juliet's face once again took on a green tinge. She didn t have a chance to run to the lady s room; indeed, she barely managed to hit her trashcan. Again. Carlton sighed heavily.

"You okay, O'Har- Juliet?" he asked a bit gruffly while signaling to someone to change the bag in her trashcan for the second damn time that day. "Maybe you should go home?"

"Uh, yeah. I mean, no. I feel better already. Promise. It was probably just the food I ate last night," she says as she sends him a megawatt smile. Carlton accepted Juliet's statement without argument and turned back to the case file on his desk. It was shaping up to be a long day. If the chief weren t gone today and he weren't in charge, he'd get the hell out of there. He just got over the cold Shawn had given him... a cold in the middle of summer!... and he didn t want to get sick again, dammit.

Thinking of Shawn made him smile, though. His thoughts skipped around, reminding him of different moments: their first kiss... Shawn crying into Carlton's neck the day Gus had been a hostage during that bank case... the rapture on his face as he and Carlton cut the cake at their wedding... slow dancing under the stars last weekend, laughing as Shawn sang the music they were supposed to be dancing to... watching Shawn cook in the kitchen last night as he sang some 80s song into a spatula... pouting this morning because Carlton had told him he couldn't have a puppy... Shawn jumping onto his desk, squirming around while trying to get comfortable...

"Carly?" Shawn asked. Carlton snapped out of his daydream to see that Shawn actually had just jumped up onto his desk.

"Shawn? What are you doing here? I thought today you were going to be at the office?" Carlton looked up at the man sitting proudly in the middle of his desk.

"Since you're in charge today, I thought we could make use of the chief's office," Shawn said and winked. He turned to look over his shoulder at his best friend and bent up several sheets on Carlton's desk in the process.

"Shawn, get off of my desk," Carlton grumbled and reached out to pull the files from under Shawn's ass.

"Ah, Carlybear, are you busy then?" Shawn jumped down from Carlton's desk. He went to sit in Carlton's lap, but Carlton stopped him and ignored the fake little gasp Shawn let out. Carlton kept one hand and both eyes on the files spread out on his desk and used the other hand to reach out blindly to pull another chair up to his desk for Shawn.

"Shawn, sit down. In a chair," he added at the end when Shawn went to sit in his lap again.

"You're so mean, Lassieface. No fair." Shawn's pathetic whimpering sigh was almost believable. Carlton was able to keep from laughing, but it was hard. Shawn, as annoying as he was, knew he was cute.

"To make up for it, you should tell me all about your day," Shawn said as soon as he had settled in the chair and sneaked a foot into Carlton's lap.

_It's going to be a long day_, Carlton thought to himself yet again.

"Shawn..." Carlton began to say, but was cut off by Shawn's best friend.

"Dude, you are never feeding Juliet ever again," Gus informed Shawn with a stern expression firmly in place.

"I told her to avoid the chicken! That food was from last week, Gus. How is it my fault if she was trying to eat everything?" Shawn tried to reason, looking to Carlton for backup.

"Well, if you hadn't taken so long to order dinner, she wouldn't have had to eat your old leftovers while we waited," Gus tossed back at Shawn.

"May I remind you that you were the ones who showed up an hour late, Gus? I didn't wanna order and be stuck with cold patra ni macchi and room-temp shrikhand. That'd just be gross," Shawn rebutted.

As Gus opened his mouth to argue some more, Carlton just shook his head and turned back to his work.

_It truly is going to be a long day. _Despite himself, though, Carlton smiled.

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End note: Hey, guys! This is the first chapter for my first ever fic! I hope you enjoy it. Leave me feedback, because I love happy stuffs. And if you completely hate this, tell me how I could improve! Thanks :)


	2. Chapter 2

_Why is it so quiet?_ Carlton thought to himself.

The silence was unnerving. He lifted his eyes from his desk and scanned the immediate area and tried to keep his fingers from twitching to his holster. He was expecting the worse, like some crazed freak had walked in carrying an M16. Carlton snickered to himself when he realized it was so quiet right now because his boyfriend had gone on a smoothie run.

Just as Carlton had come to this conclusion, Shawn came galloping into the station on an imaginary horse, yelling back to Guster something that sounded suspiciously like "To ride or not to ride? What a stupid question, Gus! For there is my Lassiehorse!"

_Lassiehorse? _Carlton's mind automatically conjured up an image of last night's adventure. _Ah. Well, Shawn _does _look good in a cowboy hat. _

Carlton facepalmed at that and made a mental note to talk to Shawn about bringing up that kind of thing at work. Though, really, who actually believed Shawn would _not _continue to say/do things like that just because Carlton had told him not to? He had a feeling that if he asked him to stop, it would only make things worse.

Shawn finally turned the corner and bounced right into Juliet with open arms.

"Jules!" he yelled before wrapping his arms tightly around her tiny shoulders.

"Dammit, Shawn," she started lecturing him as Gus approached her desk. "You know, my breasts aren't just for decoration. Be more gentle when you hug a woman!" she yelled before stomping away to go to the bathroom, leaving a slightly confused-looking Shawn looking after her. Shawn turned to his best friend.

"Dude, Gus, what did you do?" Shawn asked an exasperated Gus.

"Shawn. That's all your fault," he answered before making himself comfortable in Juliet's chair. Shawn lifted an eyebrow.

"Gus, don't be a brambly brier bush thing! It's so your fault!"

After about ten minutes of listening to the overgrown children arguing, Carlton decided to intervene for his sanity.

"Guster, why don't you go check on O'Hara," he suggested (to the annoyance of Shawn).

"Good idea, Lassiter." Gus walked off without another word to his hyperactive best friend.

"Carly," Shawn whined. Carlton cut him off with a smirk.

"You two should play nice," he said. Shawn looked confused. "What?" he asked Shawn.

"I'm sorry, but did I just walk into an alternate dimension where you became my dad and Juliet became you? That would be the only explanation for how weird the past fifteen minutes have been." He looked to Carlton as if he expected a confirmation.

"You have to be the strangest person I know, Shawn," Carlton contemplated.

"But you love me!" Shawn sang as he trotted over to Carlton's desk.

_Sometimes I wonder why_, Carlton mused to himself.

At Carlton's silence, Shawn began to fidget. "Right, Carly?" Carlton thought it was cute to see him so out of sorts.

"You know that's right," he parroted Gus and tried not to laugh at the look on Shawn's face.

"Did you just-" Shawn began to ask, but stopped when he caught sight of Gus and Jules walking their way. "Get ready, Lass, for they are almost upon us," he intoned with a deep British accent. Carlton spared a glance to the approaching couple and rolled his eyes.

_Of all the people I could have fallen in love with, I had to fall in love with this... kid. _Oddly, Carlton was okay with that fact.

* * *

So, new chapter. I should be posting the next one before you even know it. Sorry it's short, but I really didn't have much to work with this. Also, if you don't like it, don't read it. Review? Pleasepleaseplease :)


	3. Chapter 3

When she returned from the bathroom, Juliet was in a better mood. She looked at Shawn apologetically. He caught the look and nodded his forgiveness before turning back to his boyfriend. Because Juliet's return had been so anti-climatic, Shawn decided to change the subject. "Lassiebear, what do you want for dinner tonight?"

"You, know, I have this strange feeling that whatever I say, you will find a way to top it," Lassiter answered.

"Nuh uh," Shawn retorted like any other twelve year old boy would.

Shawn had recently started taking a class to learn how to cook and the lessons were really paying off. Carlton hadn't really told him to take the class, merely suggested it, because there was only so much you could cook in an Easy Bake Oven. As it was, nothing edible ever came from that stupid machine...

"Okay, fine. Not from the Easy Bake, right?" Carlton asked abruptly.

_Which reminds me_, Carlton thought, _I need to find that thing and destroy it…_ Carlton couldn't help the malicious grin that crossed his face when he thought about hacking the little oven to pieces, but he covered it by ducking his head down.

"Right, Lass. So what? Chinese? Thai? I, myself, am feeling a little partial to Italian tonight..."

"I don't know, Shawn," Carlton said, still looking at his desk. Something occurred to him just them. _Well, damn._ "I'm have to work just a little late tonight. Why don't you invite Juliet and Gus over & I'll pick up something on my way home?"

"How late?" Shawn pouted. Carlton looked back up. _Out of all that, he only asked when I'd be home? Nothing about what I would be doing or bringing home?_ Catching sight of the face in front of him, Carlton smiled softly. When Shawn wore that little pout, he felt his heart melt a little.

"Six, dear." For the first time in the history of ever, Carlton had called Shawn 'dear' without looking around anxiously first. Shawn smiled happily. Carlton gave him a pointed look. Shawn remembered he had to say… something.

"Oh, uh, that's perfect. Gus & Jules have to meet the wedding planner tonight around four, so... " Shawn paused and started speaking slower. Carlton recognized that tone. It was a tone Shawn used when he was trying to get his way about something. "They can come over while I wait for _my _big, sexy, strong, manly cop to come home and hold me in his muscular arms while telling me what a hero he's been," Shawn said in an almost pathetic attempt to flatter his boyfriend. He was hoping to deter Shawn, so he started looking around and stalling.

Carlton could see Juliet talking softly to Gus and holding her head. Carlton made a soft noise, completely sympathetic, but Juliet whipped her head up to look at him anyway. It looked more like glaring. Quickly Carlton was back to watching Shawn again.

_Did he just bat his lashes at me?_ Carlton's eyes went wide when he saw those long lashes fluttering at him. He was suspicious all of two seconds before he remembered what Shawn had been begging for that morning. He cocked an eyebrow that would normally say "This head detective isn't buyin' it, pal" and looked away from Shawn's face before his decision could waver.

"You're not getting a puppy, Shawn," Carlton sighed. "We talked about it this morning. You're just not ready."

"Carly, I don-" Shawn's hands were clutching at Carlton's dress sleeve, trying to get Carlton's attention.

"You'd have to feed it-" said Lassiter, ignoring the full grown man hanging off his sleeve.

"Oh, Lasseroo, the puppy isn't..." The bottom lip was sticking out, Carlton could see; in fact, it was preparing to launch itself into quivering mode.

"You _do_ have the hyperactivity part down," Lassiter conceeded.

"Hey!" Shawn burst out, rightfully indignant, "I don't want the puppy anymore!"

"Shawn, whatever it is-"

"I want a baby!" Shawn declared loudly while bouncing on his heels. At Shawn's _loud_ declaration, the station fell completely silent as four people reacted almost instantaneously.

The first, and quickest, reaction was that of Carlton Lassiter, the dignified Head Detective for the SBPD, who made a graceless trip to the floor, his seat accompanying him down before it spun backwards on its side. His new cup of coffee made a lovely pool around the shards of his favorite mug, hot coffee still steaming against the cold floor.

Juliet's eyes snapped up at Shawn in disbelief. She looked to Gus for confirmation of the statement; he, however, simply rolled his eyes because he had already heard, and disputed, all of the reasons Shawn should have a baby.

The final reaction was that of Buzz. He had been walking by during Shawn's announcement and when the younger man had finished, he discretely shared a fist bump with the man without stopping to talk. Buzz couldn't hide the happy smile that took over his face, though, as he tried to escape before the random sputterings coming from his superior officer turned into an actual verbal attack on anyone still watching the scene unfolding when he was standing again.

Nobody said anything for a moment, mainly because Carlton's tongue seemed to be stuck in his throat and everyone else decided it would be prudent to at least pretend they weren't listening. Shawn was bouncing back and forth on the balls of his feet and watching everyone around him, though his eye lingered on Carlton. Finally Juliet got annoyed with the squeaks Shawn's new shoes were making.

"Shawn, could you just…" Juliet rolls her eyes and turns to her fiancé. "Sweetie, do you have any Tylenol?"

"Ehm, Shawn, can we talk about this whenever we get home?"


	4. Chapter 4

"But I don't wanna wait until we get home!" Shawn whined. "You'll just say no."

Carlton watched in silence while Shawn huffed, sat down in a nearby chair, and crossed his arms over his chest.

"You... Shawn, now isn't the time to talk about it," Carlton finally said.

"But why? It isn't like you're actually doing anything right now!"

"I am, too. I'm dealing with a spoiled, whiny brat," he calmly replied. He could feel Shawn's eyes boring a hole into his skull, but there was nothing he could do about that right now.

"Shawn," Gus called.

"What?" Shawn snapped unhappily.

"Could you rub my shoulders and back a little bit?" Juliet answered. "Pretty please?"

"We are not done here, mister," Shawn pointed at Carlton while walking backwards to Juliet's desk.

"Detective Lassiter?" Carlton's head swung in the direction of the new voice.

"Yes, McNab?"

"Could you sign these for me?" Buzz asked, his voice composed, but his eyes laughing. The detective narrowed his eyes, but a happy moan from Juliet, who was leaning forward on her desk so Shawn could work out the tense muscles in her back, kept him from saying anything.

"Fine," he grumbled and snatched the sheets away.

* * *

"That's it!" Juliet exclaimed as she shot to her feet and tossed an empty coffee cup to her newly-changed trashcan. "No more coffee. Ever again. This is LITERALLY the eighth time I've had to pee today!"

Gus, Shawn, and Carlton all watched her stalk off to the bathroom. Shawn was the only one who looked slightly amused.

"She's-"

"Just no, Shawn," Gus cut him off.

"But-" Gus threw a wadded up sheet of paper at Shawn, then turned to face him completely with a weird look on his face. Lassiter caught the look and was trying to figure it out when Gus finally started speaking to Shawn.

"Uh, when you tan, does EVERYTHING tan?" Gus asked, shifty eyes and all.

"Gus, please _please_ don't tell me you're tanning!" Shawn said in mock-horror, his mouth open in a perfect, little O and one hand pressed to his chest. "It's so..." Shawn drifted off and made wild, flourishing movements with his hands.

Gus angrily smacked his best friend in turn. "You know I meant Juliet! I mean, look at those legs of hers!" Gus finished with a sniff.

"Well, they are pure caramel perfection..." Shawn agreed. Lassiter snorted and looked down quickly before the two men could look over at him.

"But I wouldn't know, Gus. I'm naturally this golden-awesome," Shawn eventually said. An idea struck him then and he grinned widely at him. "Dude, maybe she's pregnant!" There was a beat of silence before they burst out into raucous laughter. Shawn fell to the floor and literally started rolling around.

"Yeah, right, Shawn," Gus gasped out.

Carlton decided to ignore them. For now. He might not be so patient in five minutes.

* * *

Juliet finally made it back to her seat and sat down. She tapped her pen on the desk surface for a long moment and made a face. It had gotten to the point that Carlton was about to throw something in her general direction, though obviously not aiming for her, when she stopped and looked up at Gus, her expression shifting from intense concentration to an almost too-sweet expression.

"When are you and Shawn getting food?" she asked with an angelic look on her beautiful face.

"Um, well, it's only 10:30. I thought we'd wait another hour or so, then get some Chinese." Stopping for a minute, he turned to Shawn. "You do still want Chinese, right? Yesterday, you changed your mind three times before deciding on thai."

Carlton shook his head and felt a smirk forming around his mouth. Gus was always giving in and doing what Shawn wants; it was almost sad. It seemed like second nature to him now. He sighed quietly and tuned back into the conversation.

"Well, Gussy, I was thinking you could pick me up some Mexican instead?" Juliet smiled even more sweetly, making sure to duck her head down a little.

"Gussy?" Shawn asked while making juvenile 'kissy' faces at Gus.

"Shawn, please. Mexican good with you?" Gus asked after he slapped his best friend for being an idiot. "If not, you're walking."

"Mmmm... Mexican," Shawn said.

Carlton looked up from his case file and noticed that Juliet looked pretty today, she looked too pretty. Hmm. Maybe she should wear less makeup; it might be a little distracting to the other officers working. He quickly dismissed the thought.

"And I was thinking you could do it, like, now instead of later. Pretty please? I'm hungry," Juliet continued. Carlton looked over at her and cocked his head to the side a bit.

Shawn, meanwhile, merely watched Juliet with an eyebrow lifted for a moment, then smiled- almost leered- at his best friend as he spoke to Juliet. "Haha, didn't get a chance to eat this morning, oh lovely Juliet?" Carlton could swear he just saw Shawn's eyebrows wiggling up and down.

"Shawn," Carlton said in a warning tone. The last time Shawn had tried butting into Gus and Juliet's sex life, Carlton had ended up having to let Shawn out of Juliet's handcuffs. In the lady's bathroom. After looking for him for three hours. On their _anniversary_.

"I did eat this morning, Shawn, I'm just hungry again." She turned to Gus and whined a little. "Guuuuus, please?"

He smiled. "Alright. Shawn, you coming?"

Shawn looked to Carlton a moment, blue eyes meeting Shawn's own. Shawn read the answer in Carlton's eyes and smiled the happy, little smile reserved only for Carlton before turning back to Gus.

"Let's go, Ovaltine Jenkins!"

"Shawn."

"Black Magic?"

"Shawn," Gus tried again.

"Chocolate Einstein?"

"Shaaaawn." At this, Gus curled his fists involuntarily.

"Sher-black-lock?" Shawn shook his hips side to side for each syllable.

"Sha-wn." Gus was getting angry now; Shawn's name had split in two.

"The Black Goose?"

"Shawn!" Gus finally got a little loud, though not loud enough to worsen Juliet s headache.

"Chocolate Columbo?"

"Shawn!" Gus looked like he was about to hit Shawn. Carlton shook his head yet again. He didn't understand why Shawn loved doing that to Gus. For that matter, he almost didn't know why Gus put up with it. Almost.

"Lodge Blackman?"

"SHAWN!" This time Juliet, Gus, and Carlton yelled at Shawn. Juliet was hungry and Gus was about to kill his best friend. Carlton was just trying to save Shawn from an angry Gus and a certain ravenous, gun-toting junior detective who was already irritated with the younger man.

"Okay, let's go. You paying, Doughnut Holschtein?" Shawn kept up the name game with Gus like he hadn t been yelled at.

"No, I am not, Shawn. You're paying for your own damn tacos," Gus said in a huff as he walked toward the doors.

"Just for that, Gus, I'm renaming you Scrooge Jones!" Shawn yelled out as he jogged for the door.

Carlton sighed deeply again and tried to refocus on his work, but there was something something he couldn't quite put his finger on. He kept thinking about all of the things that had been going wrong with his partner today. If she were sick, he couldn t risk her getting worse and missing work. It was hell trying to work with some ditzy, untrained partner.

Various thoughts flashed through his head. Back pain. Headaches. Urination. Nausea. Hmm. Could be the kidneys. He made a mental note to talk to Juliet later, maybe give her a heads up.

Twenty minutes later, after three phone calls from Juliet adding things to the list of the usual food she eats and two more calls from Carlton telling them to get their asses back before O'Hara started eating the desk, Gus and Shawn finally walked through the door. Carlton glanced up to see his boyfriend's arms loaded down with food, everyone's drinks in Gus's hands.

Juliet looked up eagerly and waited for her food. Gus passed her three supreme tacos, some chicken nachos, a burrito, and a churro while Shawn took his and Carlton's food out of the bags. He grabbed their food and drinks, walked over to the chair Carlton pulled up beside him, and sat down.

"I got you chicken nachos, a taco, and a churro. Good?" Shawn sat Carlton's food in front of him and carefully set their drinks to the side. Carlton took a moment to look away from his work to smile warmly at the man at his side.

"I don't know what I'd do without you, Shawn," he said, but then frowned. Shawn was looking down at the file in front of Carlton.

"Uh, babe." Shawn leaned closer, read a few more lines, then looked at Carlton again. "I just solved your robbery case for you," Shawn quietly exclaimed while again smiling that private smile of his.

Carlton looked at Shawn again for a second.

"You did?" He was shocked, but was hiding it well enough. Literally five seconds of looking at the file and this- this _genius-_ in front of him had solved the case. He was slightly skeptical all the same, even though he'd been around this for years and knew how Shawn really solved the cases.

"Yeah, it was the owner. He figures since the robberies were of a pawn shop, no one would notice when things go missing. But when the original owner of that cap gun there, the one from 1903, came by and saw it'd gone, and the owner didn't have anything to show the guy it'd been sold, the owner claimed he'd been robbed the night before. Before you and Jules could show up, he grabbed some of the more expensive items there and shoved them into the ceiling tiles above the front counter. I bet if you look now, the missing items will be back on display."

Carlton had a little difficulty closing his mouth.

"What?" Shawn asked.

"No visions and bouncing around this time?" Carlton asked.

"You sound disappointed," Shawn noted, amused.

Carlton ignored him, then called out to Buzz. The other man ran over and smiled at Carlton. "What's up?" Buzz asked after he caught the bag of tacos and burritos Shawn tossed at him.

"I need you to go back to Murphy's Pawn and look for the stolen items. We had a 'tip' that they are back on display. If they're not, I almost guarantee they're above the counter in the ceiling tiles."

Buzz smiled again before turning away and calling to another officer. The officer listened to Buzz a moment then caught the taco Buzz chucked at his head. The two men walked out of the precinct, laughing good-naturedly. Carlton scowled a little halfheartedly, then gave it up as a lost cause.

"You know, if you keep making that face, it's gonna stay that way," Shawn said around the bite of taco in his mouth. Carlton smiled and took a bite of his nachos.

"Ohh, really?" he tried to ask, though it came out kind of muffled.

Shawn chuckled to himself and watched Gus and Jules bicker over who had the most hot sauce on their tacos. When it was decided that Gus actually had the most sauce, Juliet traded him tacos.

"A child, Shawn?" Carlton asked quietly, almost out of nowhere. Shawn had about forgotten about announcing it earlier.

"Well, yeah I mean, I like kids," Shawn said and tried to shrug off how important this conversation really was to him.

"You know having a child is a really big deal? More important than that turtle we bought last year-"

"Or the bunny two years ago, or the kitten last week," Shawn continued on with what Carlton was saying.

"What kitten?" Instant Lassie Storm Clouds settled on Carlton s face, so Shawn hurried to get to his point.

"The point is, Carlton, you've always wanted a baby, a child. I like kids... want a kid of my own'... like, when you weren't home, I would still have someone to talk to and teach my awesomeness to... You know?" Shawn asked a little desperately at the end while peeking up at Carlton s face.

The Lassie Storm Clouds were gone, so Shawn could breathe a little easier.

"You really want a child?" Carlton couldn't believe he was even having this conversation right now. He sighed. Shawn had been hinting about this for months now, as had Buzz, Henry, Juliet, Gus... hell, even the chief had mentioned it in passing a few times.

Shawn's green eyes were saying everything right now. Carlton found himself getting lost in them, as he usually did. He broke the trance by blinking and looking out towards the rest of the station before looking at Shawn again.

"Give me a little time to think about this, Shawn."


	5. Chapter 5

Hey, so I've forgotten up to now to put this stuff down, so I'm gonna do it now. It applies to the whole story, of course.

Title: Three Men & A Baby

Author: Jaspre Rose

Warning: Slashy Shassie. Gules. Some language. Some male sexin' :) Pretty much, all of the good stuff.

Summary: Carlton puts the clues together before anyone else. Predictable ending, but I loved writing it! Shassie & Gules. Rated M for later chapters.

Disclaimer: Psych & its characters are, sadly, not mine. I am not making any money from this story.

So now you know!

* * *

"I cannot believe you were right. Yet again. I don t know why I thought you might be wrong this time; you re always right, dammit."

Carlton was grumbling to himself in the front seat of his car. Though he was speaking to Shawn, in essence, the younger man wasn t actually in the car nor was he on the phone with him. Carlton was, in fact, alone in his car, talking to himself like a loon. He was just blowing off a little steam about having Shawn solve a case in a few seconds that Carlton had been working days on.

He breathed in through his nose a bit, inhaling the scent of pineapple and ham pizza ("With extra pineapple, Carly!"), before a different thought crossed his mind. Right after lunch earlier, Juliet had been complaining about heartburn and then had eaten the rest of his Tum's. Afterwards, she had fallen asleep in her chair while Gus rubbed her feet.

Suddenly, the clues all slammed into place in his head. He was so shocked, his foot pressed to the brakes. _Backaches. Headaches. Nausea. The fatigue. The food. The peeing... Her... breasts..._ Carlton shook his head for at least the tenth time that day, but the clues fell right back into place.

Without really realizing it, he started laughing. He pulled onto the road again and headed back to the little convenience store by Shawn's favorite pizza shack.

He ran inside the little store, grabbed a basket, and went to the aisle marked Female Hygiene, knowing what he was looking for. He shuddered at a few of the things in the aisle. Every single day he found yet another reason to thank God that he was in love a man.

Not really knowing what was the best, he grabbed a couple little boxes and headed to the check out. On the way to the cashier, he decided to grab a few things he and Shawn were running low on at home. _Napkins, cinnamon toothpaste, more Tum's, trashbags: check._ Seeing condoms in the next aisle, he stopped.

_Better get the biggest damn box I can. The last one we got lasted about four three days._ Carlton grinned widely at the memories and grabbed the largest box he saw. He saw that a lot of tropical flavors and colors would be inside and it made him chuckle; Shawn would love that. Moving on, he spent a moment thinking to himself. He eventually decided on grabbing a bottle of Pjur Bodyglide, then threw some massage oils into his basket as well.

As soon as the teenage cashier saw everything he'd put down, she raised an eyebrow and giggled a little bit as she rung up the little boxes. Smirking, she looked at his face. "Got her good, huh, or just praying to God you didn't?" She giggled again, but stopped abruptly at Carlton's expression.

"$37.64, sir," she said quickly. Oh, yeah, she'd noticed that angry vein ticking in Carlton s neck. Carlton glared at her, paid, and grabbed his bags. He ran back out to the car and was quickly buckled in. He started the car and thought for a long moment, his eyebrow furrowed. Making a quick decision, he pulled out his phone and dialed a number he'd memorized months ago.

By the time he made it home, it was ten after six... exactly twenty minutes before Shawn should expect him home. Carlton wasn't surprised, though, to see Shawn pacing the porch while waiting on him to get home. He used to think Shawn would call the station to know when Carlton left the building so he could be waiting when Carlton pulled up. A little undercover work proved that he hadn't been calling, though, so Carlton still had no idea how Shawn knew.

"Shawn," Carlton called out. It was always a relief to come home from work to see the man he loved was eager to see him, too. He smiled briefly and went inside to put the medium-sized pizza, trashbags, and napkins in the kitchen. He'd expected to see Gus and Juliet sitting on his couch, so it was easy to sneak past them. He grabbed Shawn's arm on the way to their room, the other bag from the convenience store in his other hand. He stopped in the bathroom to toss the toothpaste onto the counter.

When they finally made it to their room, Shawn sat on the bed and looked in the plastic bag while Carlton took off his shoes and socks.

"Um, babe, you do realize it is literally impossible that I could be pregnant?" Shawn said with a smirk after looking at all of the little boxes for a long moment. Carlton glanced over as he was taking off his jacket.

"Oh, yeah. About those. I think Juliet... might be... pregnant actually." Carlton twisted his mouth to the side a moment at the incredulous look on Shawn's face.

"Okay, first of all, why?" Shawn asked and tucked his legs under him. Carlton pinched his nose.

"She was nauseated- and got sick- this morning before you and Gus even showed up. Her head and back have been aching- which I looked up and is a symptom, so don't give me that look. She's peeing like a damn racehorse. She's eating like a pig. She ate all of my Tum's because of heartburn! She keeps falling asleep. Her breasts... hurt... and are uh, darker, according to, uh, Gus..."

He'd said everything he'd had to say, but Shawn still remained silent. Carlton could see the gears turning in his head as he processed all this information. Suddenly, Shawn's eyes focused again. He looked up at Carlton.

"Oh my God, I think you re right, Carlybear," Shawn shook his head a moment, then looked at the bag again and grinned. "Five boxes, Lass?" Carlton shifted a moment.

"I didn't know which kind and brand was the best, so I grabbed a couple different ones. If anything, they'll all be able to tell her _something_." Shawn smiled again and flicked his gaze to Carlton's white dress shirt. He looked mesmerized at the way Carlton had rolled up the sleeves. Carlton caught Shawn looking and smiled wickedly. If Gus and Juliet still thought Shawn was outside, then... Shawn looked back up.

"You're amazing, Lass. Now, why the big-ass box of fun stuff? There are almost 40 in here!" Shawn tried to say, but tripped up on his words a bit when he saw Carlton slide his belt from his pants. Shawn blindly put the condoms and lube on the nightstand while watching. Deep breath in, deep breath out. Carlton slowly switched his stance to his other hip and crossed his arms over his chest, making sure to flex the muscles in his arms as he did so.

"We bought a 12 pack three, four days ago and are almost out, Shawn," he said patiently. He knew exactly what he was doing to the other man, felt proud he could still affect Shawn this much, so quickly, after being together so long. His smirk became more defined, more seductive, as his intense baby blues sparked something within Shawn. Carlton could see the moment it happened. Shawn's eyes took on a faraway daze, his mouth opened ever so slightly, and he sat up just a little straighter, causing his legs to fall apart a fraction of an inch.

"We did?" Shawn's question was a little breathless. Carlton's smirk was still in place. He enjoyed doing this to Shawn. Carlton leaned forward and moved the bag to their dresser. He straightened and watched Shawn scoot back to lean against the ridiculous body pillow Shawn insisted stay on the bed.

He turned his back on Shawn and innocently asked what their guests were watching. Shawn paused a long moment, watching Carlton's back twist a little as he stretched his tired muscles. Shawn swallowed loudly and mentioned something about Sammy Baker and 'sexy Jake', so Carlton felt safe in assuming he meant Sixteen Candles. He snickered quietly and turned around.

"That's a John Hughes movie, right?" he asked as he slowly pulled his tie loose and tossed it over the back of the chair beside him.

"Yeah, La..." Shawn watched rapturously as Carlton slowly stripped out of his work clothes.

"So what did you want to do tonight?" Carlton asked casually. The next look on Shawn's face sent a bolt of almost animalistic lust straight through Carlton. The urge to sink himself deep into the man on his bed was almost more than Carlton could take, but he was determined to finish his tease. He wanted Shawn desperate for his touch.

He started unbuttoning his shirt, making sure he never lost Shawn's attention. He didn't have to worry, though, because Shawn wasn't looking anywhere but at Carlton's chest, arms, stomach, thighs, eyes, mouth... over and over again.

Carlton shrugged slowly out of his shirt, letting it drop to the floor. He stretched again and ran a hand down his chest, making a path to his waistband. He watched Shawn's eyes follow the movement and delighted in how Shawn was breathing roughly as he licked his lips.

Shawn's hands flicked down his own body, restless, wanting to touch himself, unable to do anything but stare at the man in front of him. Carlton watched, unable to even smirk now. Even fully clothed, Shawn's body... Carlton growled quietly.

He skimmed his hands over his hips and stomach and then quickly popped open the button on his dress pants. Shawn watched in awe as Carlton slowly pushed them over his slim hips. His gaze flickered to Carlton's eyes once more before he reached up and pulled off his own shirt. Carlton shuddered while watching. Shawn reclined back onto the bed and stared as Carlton finally pushed off his boxers and stepped away from them.

Carlton approached the bed slowly; his every move was calculated. His eyes were intense, pinning an already motionless Shawn down with one look. When he reached the bedside, he leaned down and gazed up at Shawn'ss face while he unbuttoned the man's jeans. Shawn's eyes never left his, not even when Carlton gently pulled the jeans from his hips, boxers going with them.

Once both men were naked, Carlton carefully lowered himself over Shawn. He braced himself and leaned down to kiss him deeply, slowly, sweetly. Carlton brought his leg up, moving it in between Shawn's legs. Feeling the leg there, Shawn began to grind against it, moaning into Carlton's mouth. Shawn's hands moved down Carlton's back, nails scraping gently across skin, as he continued to rub against Carlton's thigh.

Shawn's breath hitched when Carlton started to move himself down Shawn's body, slowly licking and nipping the skin as he went, his hands trailing down the path his mouth traveled. Seeing Shawn's hip, Carlton leaned down a little bit further and lightly bit the bone jutting out, soothing the bite by licking across the red skin. He loved seeing the red marks later as they did something else, like watching a movie; it was like a reminder that Shawn was his to love and he'd better not fuck this one up. Carlton sucked on Shawn's hip a bit longer before moving further down.

Carlton grabbed Shawn's hips and pulled him closer. He inhaled Shawn's scent, musky with the barest hint of the pineapple bodywash they kept in the bathroom. It was the most arousing thing Carlton had ever smelled, so he inhaled once more. He gently ran his nails up Shawn's thigh and smiled at the goosebumps that showed up. He loved teasing Shawn until the man begged him to do something, so he set to work, chuckling a little evilly to himself.

He started low, placing kisses on the underside of Shawn's leg, slowly moving up each leg. He knelt between Shawn's legs and placed more kisses along his lower abdomen, watching Shawn's reactions. His head fell backwards when Carlton moved a little lower, so Carlton took advantage of the moment. He enjoyed the look of dazed confusion on Shawn's face when he heard the snick of the handcuffs on his wrists. He looked up at the headboard, seeing Carlton's handcuffs on his wrists, then looked back down at his lover.

"Lass?" Carlton's evil grin got a little wider, but he didn't answer. He simply continued kissing and licking along the younger man's thighs. Carlton could feel Shawn's body pulsing with need when he wrapped his hand around the base and thoroughly licked up the underside before completely swallowing him down. He bobbed his head a few times, slowly licking around the head each time.

Shawn was writhing by the time Carlton picked up a rhythm and started moving his hand in tandem with his head. He moved his other hand around to Shawn's back and waited to push in. Little moans began escaping Shawn's mouth involuntarily, but they quickly switched to louder moans the moment Carlton began to hum in the back of his throat to distract Shawn. Pushing his other hand forward, Carlton slid a lubed finger into Shawn's body, stretching and teasing. He pulled away after a bit, one hand still loosening Shawn up, while the other pumped slowly.

"Shawn," Carlton panted.

"Unhhh..." Shawn's answer was almost comical to Carlton.

"What is it that you want, babe?" At Shawn's whimper, Carlton snickered. "You gotta tell me or I'll just stop and go entertain our guests."

The horrified look on Shawn's face would have made Carlton laugh any other time, but for now he just groaned to himself. Shawn moved his mouth, but no words came out. Carlton stopped moving both of his hands and leaned forward.

"What, Shawn?" he asked.

"You... me... in me," Shawn managed to say, so out of breath he was whispering. Carlton kissed Shawn's lips while he pulled his hands free and lubed himself up. He thrust roughly into Shawn seconds later.

They both groaned loudly at the contact and Carlton held himself still, breathing almost painfully from the effort. Shawn hadn't gotten properly stretched, but he didn't seem to mind. After about half a minute of holding still, Shawn's eyes snapped up to Carlton.

"Move, dammit," Shawn spit out before wrapping his legs around Carlton's waist, arching his back, and tugging at his cuffed hands. When Carlton still didn't move, Shawn lowered his legs and used them to push Carlton further into his body. Carlton muttered something about impatience, but began thrusting. He quickly picked up a rhythm, his hands tight on Shawn's hips.

Carlton noticed when Shawn was again tugging at his wrists so he could touch himself, and since there was no way he was letting Shawn out of them right then, Carlton reached between their bodies and began stroking with a firm grip. Shawn went absolutely still for about two seconds before he started thrusting wildly into Carlton's fist, moans and nonsensical phrases slipping from between his lips. Not knowing whether to groan or laugh, Carlton settled for thrusting deeper and faster into Shawn's body.

As Shawn neared his climax, he got louder and wilder. Carlton knew neither of them would last much longer. He could feel the pressure building in himself, so he leaned forward a little further. He braced one hand by Shawn's head, the other still moving between their bodies and found that one spot on Shawn's collarbone... He bit down hard just as Shawn came in his hand, screaming out Carlton's name and clenching his muscles. The clenched and pulsing muscles sent Carlton over the edge, too, Shawn's name ripped from his throat.

Afterwards, he collapsed onto Shawn's sweaty chest. Both men were breathing hard, hearts still beating wildly, pleasurable aftershocks shooting through their bodies. Shawn weakly tugged at his wrists again, pouting up at Carlton just a bit.

"Lass? Wrists, please," Shawn murmured. Carlton smiled and caught Shawn's bottom lip between his teeth, then kissed him.

"Hold on." He slowly pulled out of Shawn and leaned over the side of the bed, looking for the key. He snatched it from the carpet and leaned back up to unlock the cuffs. Shawn was smiling at him, handcuffs dangling from his left hand.

"How the hell did you get those off?" Carlton was amazed, truly amazed.

"I learned how to get out of cuffs a long time ago, Lassie," Shawn laughed.

"Of course you did." Carlton grabbed the cuffs and rolled off the bed. He walked to the closet and was just tossing some jeans at Shawn while pulling on a pair of his own when they heard a voice from outside the door.

"I hope you guys don't mind, but I stole some pizza. It smelled delicious and I'm starving!" Juliet's voice rose as she defended her little theft. Carlton groaned and pulled on a shirt.

"How long have you been out there, O'Hara?" Carlton asked, reverting to her last name in his embarrassment.

"Long enough," Gus's voice answered instead.

"We just wanted to check on you, make sure you guys were okay-" Juliet began to explain.

"We'll be downstairs," Gus interrupted. Sounds of a brief struggle sounded from the hallway before Gus succeeded in pulling Juliet to the stairs. Their playful bickering drifted through the closed bedroom door as they made their way to the livingroom. Shawn eventually cleared his throat to break the silence.

"It could have been worse. I mean, they _could _have walked in," he said reasonably.

"I'm not amused, Shawn." Carlton grimaced a little.

"Oh, come on."

"No."

"Carly, you're the one who jumped me!" Carlton rolled his eyes, but Shawn did have a point. Dammit. "Besides, we'll have to get this all out of our system if we have a baby! In fact, we might need to have a repeat performance again later..." Shawn's voice drifted off and he turned to look at the bed. Carlton watched Shawn, his head cocked to the side. Now was as good a time as any for this conversation, he supposed.

"C'mere," Carlton murmured and held his hands out; Shawn skipped over. It never ceased to amaze Carlton that he was so full of energy right after having sex.

"Yeeeees?" Shawn asked, drawing out the word a bit.

"Were you serious earlier? At the station?" Carlton was looking into Shawn's eyes, his hands held loosely around Shawn's back.

"There are two things you never joke about: pineapples and having kids. Well, you don't joke about The Jackal, but that's for another-"

"The Jackal?" Carlton stopped him before he got off onto his little rant.

"Never doubt Gus's skills, man," Shawn simply answered, "He'll get'cha." Carlton breathed deeply for a moment.

"You didn't answer me," Carlton pointed out.

"Well, yes, I want a baby. Hey, do you think Jules will..." he lifted his eyebrows and grinned. "We could have a caramel baby!" Carlton smacked Shawn's head, then kissed the spot he'd hit.

"Hey, watch it! The hair. And I am so telling on you!" Shawn made a show of jumping backwards and fixing his hair before Carlton's laugh stopped him.

"Shawn, there's no hope for your hair. We just had sex," Carlton said, feeling he needed to remind Shawn. Shawn just turned away from the mirror and looked at Carlton.

"Yeah, incredibly, mind-blowingly hot-"

"Shawn," Carlton grumbled. "I, uh, made a call today on my way home."

Shawn watched Carlton shift a little and look away. He grinned when Carlton looked back at his face.

"Does this have to do with some little Spensiter's?" Despite himself, Carlton started laughing so hard tears sprang to his eyes.

"I think I liked the idea of little Shassie's better," Carlton explained while wiping at his eyes. "It's more us."

"Dude! How do you even remember that conversation?" Shawn's eyes were wide.

"Give me some credit, would you? Yes, though, this has to do with children. I called an agency on my way home. We are meeting with a woman named Bethany Schuh on Wednesday." Shawn's eyes, if possible, went even wider. He seemed stunned for a moment, then threw himself onto Carlton's chest.

"OhmygodIloveyousofreakinmuch!" came out in one breath.

"Shawn, air!" Carlton choked out and pulled Shawn's arms from around his neck.

"Right. Sorry," Shawn said with a sheepish grin.

"Let's go eat, Shawn. We might have to order in more, though, because Juliet found the pizza." Carlton smirked and went to follow a half-dressed Shawn from the room before he turned around and grabbed a shirt for Shawn and the bag for Juliet.

***********************************************************************************************************************************************************  
A/N: Hot damn, Chapter 5 is now done! And I told you it would be done quickly. I just couldn't stop myself from writing today and wanted to get this posted a.s.a.p. before you all abandoned the story lol I doubt I'll ever post two chapters on the same day again, so enjoy this!

Also, please forgive me. This is my first time writing anything that was even remotely smutty, so... go easy on me, pretty please.

Oh, and leave me lots of happy reviews? Every time I read one, I feel the incentive to write more :D It's like a drug!


	6. Chapter 6

Title: Three Men & A Baby

Author: Jaspre Rose

Warning: Slashy Shassie. Gules. Some language. Some male sexin' :) Pretty much, all of the good stuff.

Summary: Carlton puts the clues together before anyone else. Predictable ending, but I loved writing it! Shassie & Gules. Rated M for specific parts aka the aforementioned male sexin'.

Disclaimer: Psych & its characters are, sadly, not mine. I am super serious when I say I am not making any money from this story. Sad day.

Author's Note: Yes, I know. There are some things in this chapter that are not grammatically correct. I am well aware of the fact; they've simply been used because normal people do not always speak in grammatically correct sentences. I'm sorry if anyone's bothered by that. I do apologize :) Also, bouchedag, as you will notice in a few minutes, is mentioned. It's a twist to the term douchebag; my friends and I prefer to use it. Breasteses is another one I made up.

************************************************************************************************************************************** Shawn and Carlton silently argued in the hallway. First, Shawn didn't want to wear the shirt Carlton had grabbed because it was puce.

"Why do you even have a shirt this color? It's... it's hideous!" Carlton pursed his lips and continued to hold the shirt out to him.

"It's just a t-shirt, Shawn. Put the damn thing on. Now."

"Urgh! Fine, but I get to tell Juliet." Shawn even stamped his foot down when he said this.

"Like hell you are. She'll hit the ground running if I unleash you on her," Carlton muttered darkly.

"Carly, trust me. She would appreciate it more if I were the one to tell her."

"And why is that?" Carlton asked suspiciously. He crossed his arms over his chest. "Something to confess?"

"Carlton, have I ever given you a reason to doubt me?"

Without a second's hesitation, Carlton answered him. "Uh, yes," he said, like it was the most obvious truth in the universe.

"That hurts."

"Seriously, Shawn. Is there anything I need to know before we ambush my partner?"

"God, no. Paranoid much? And I feel the love, you ass."

"I'm just being cautious."

"Well, stop it. It's insulting. No, you're insulting, which is yet another reason why I should be the one to tell Jules."

"Over my dead body, Shawn. You act like a twelve-year-old at the best of times. This is really important to not only my partner, but also to your best friend. I'm not changing my mind on this. I will be the one to broach the subject and you will sit there and be silent. Do you understand me?"

"You are being an incredible bouchedag right now, Lassie, that is what I DO understand. Do you have any idea how insulting everything you just said was?"

"Truth hurts, Shawn. And what, for the love of Smith & Wessen, is a bouchedag?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Shawn muttered. Louder, he spoke. "You know what, go ahead. Break the news to Juliet. And when you fall on your face, most likely when she's done beating you, I'll come in and clean up the train wreck you left behind."

Carlton glared at him a long moment before continuing downt the hall to the livingroom.

"He's doomed," Shawn said to the silent hallway. He shook his head and followed after the older man, finally slipping the ugly shirt over his head.

When Shawn entered the livingroom, his boyfriend was hovering by one of the couches. Carlton knew what he had to say, he just didn't want to say it just yet. He settled for clearing his throat and sitting down at the same time Shawn did.

"Well, Jules, did you eat it all?"

"Yeah," she said and hiccuped. "Gus helped, though."

Gus was in the background rolling his eyes and smirking.

"Uh huh. I'm not buying it, lady. I'm ordering more pizza. What sounds good to everybody?"

"Chicken!" Gus proclaimed.

"Onions," Carlton added.

"Well, I know the garbage disposal won't be picky..."

Juliet ignored the barb, so Shawn pulled his cell phone from his pocket and dialed the number for the closest pizzeria. He switched the speakerphone on before someone answered the call.

"Antoine's House of Pizza. This is Mayme. Thank you for calling. Would you be interested in our garlic chicken wings and breadsticks deal? They're available at a discounted price of $12.98 until Friday."

"No, thank you, Mayme. You can, however, interest me in two of your fantastical large pizzas-"

"And breadsticks?" Juliet and Gus asked together. Antoine's was known for having the best breadsticks in town. They were always perfectly salted and dripping with cheese.

"And breadsticks," Shawn added.

"I'm sure we can arrange that," Mayme said in a flirty voice. Carlton grumbled and Shawn flashed him an adorable smile. "How would you like those pizzas?"

"We-hell, we for sure want chicken, cheese, red onions, garlic, and pineapple on them..."

"Black olives?" Carlton asked hopefully.

"And black olives, please," Shawn said to the pizza girl. To the rest of the room, he asked "Anything else?"

Finding no response, Shawn continued. "Alright. The pizzas and breadsticks, then. And maybe four of your 32-oz. iced teas?"

"We just made a new batch of tea, so you're in luck," Mayme told him, once again in a flirty voice. Shawn imagined she had to be about 16 and a cheerleader; it all came down to the voice. He rolled his eyes at his phone.

"Thank you, ma'am."

"Alright, you're total will be $37.63. Your driver should arrive in 40 minutes. Have a nice day and call again soon," she said. The way she'd subtly added on the calling part made Juliet giggle to herself. Shawn caught Gus whispering something that looked like 'amateur' to her. Before the girl could hang up, Shawn had to remind her she hadn't taken his address. She stammered a little bit before laughing and putting it into the system. "Sorry about that, sir."

"No problem," Shawn said and ended the call. Carlton looked slightly irritated again, so Shawn scooted closer to him on the couch. "Carly Bear, are you looking all grumbly again because of one possibly 16-year-old-cheerleader flirting with me?" he asked sweetly. Other than the tips of his ears turning red, Carlton didn't react.

"No."

"Liar, liar. Plants for hire."

"Spongebob, Shawn?" Gus asked. He looked torn between wanting to scoff and wanting to congratulate him for being... Shawn.

"What else?" Shawn asked. When Juliet and Lassiter shared a look, Shawn and Gus quickly managed to bump fists.

"So how do you guys feel about babies?" Shawn asked when all was silent.

Literally an hour later, Shawn was paying for their semi-cold pizzas. The driver claimed he had gotten lost along the way there, but Shawn could clearly smell the barest hint of something a little less than legal on him. He refrained from mentioning how a new Marijuana Anonymous group had been set up at the same place AA met; he was too hungry to deal with that right now. Shawn locked the door and returned to the livingroom in time to hear Carlton speaking to Juliet in a very fatherly tone.

"O'Hara... Juliet, are you... pregnant?" There was a very pregnant silence (yay, unintentional pun!) and Shawn wasn't sure if Juliet was going to shoot Carlton with the gun she knew was hidden under the coffee table or if she was just going to get up and leave.

"Carlton?" she asked finally, her lips tightening and eyebrows raising until they almost disappeared into her hair. Shawn went to sit down beside Carlton and braced himself for any nearby objects that could be used as missiles aimed for his general direction.

"Ignore that, Jules. He's not the best at these kind of things. Did I tell you that when he finally asked me out, he insulted me, hit me, and yelled at me in the span of three minutes? Right after asking me to dinner!" Shawn explained while grabbing a slice of pizza. Carlton glowered at Shawn and turned back to Juliet.

"I'm sorry. That came out wrong," Carlton began. He sat back farther on the couch and fidgeted.

"Damn right it did," Gus cut in. When Carlton looked at him, Gus turned his head to Juliet, but didn't backtrack. It wasn't that the older detective didn't scare him anymore, he just knew that Carlton didn't dare hurt him with Juliet in the room.

"What makes you think I'm pregnant?" Juliet asked when it dawned on her that Carlton was being serious. She crossed her arms over her chest as if she were trying to keep herself together.

"Well, the headaches, the backaches, the nausea, the heartburn..." Shawn started.

"Oh, speaking of-" Juliet interrupted and grabbed an unopened bottle of Tum's from her purse. She tried handing them to her partner.

"Keep them," he said. "And you're peeing like a racehorse and eating like a pig..."

"Hey!" Juliet squeaked in protest. She put the Tum's back in her purse and bristled a little bit.

"You fell asleep at work three times this week..." Gus slowly spoke, catching the drift of the conversation. His eyes were wide, somewhere between saucer- & dinner-plate size.

"And your breasteses!" Shawn yelled and smacked his fist into his hand, making the other three jump.

"What about my breasts?" Juliet turned outraged eyes to Shawn. If looks could kill...

"Well, you yelled at Shawn for hugging you earlier," Carlton tried to explain. He shrugged when Juliet looked at him. "I'm head detective for a reason. I notice things. I piece things together."

"And they've gotten... but you tanned, so that could..." Gus whispered to her, fumbling with his words. He stopped talking and awkwardly looked at Carlton.

"Point is," Carlton took back control of the conversation. He turned to face Juliet more. "I bought you something on the way home from work. I thought they might be useful." His cheeks were bright red as he handed the sack to Juliet, who clutched them to her chest for a moment. She was still processing, as Shawn would say. Speaking of, the younger man had just chuckled at the whole situation.

"How is it that you are a woman and had to have three guys tell you that you're pregnant?" he asked her. Carlton glared at him and Gus slapped him in the back of the head. Shawn immediately hit him back. A 'very manly' slap fight ensued.

"Oh my God," Juliet breathed out. Her eyes were huge, but they only held the barest hint of panic and indecision. "Mmm."

Carlton understood. He leaned forward and whispered "Go ahead. I've got Dumb and Dumber." She nodded.

"Hey!" Shawn whined at his boyfriend and dodged the angry, black hand aimed for his head. Carlton looked over.

"What?"

He turned back around and saw that Juliet was nowhere in sight, but her purse still sat on the couch.

"I... take... offense... to... that!" Shawn enunciated each word with a slap at Gus, who let out a cackle when Shawn over-corrected the swing he made at his moving target and ended up smacking himself in the face. "Ow!"

Carlton opted to ignore the girly fight next to him. It was easier to pretend it wasn't happening than to be dragged into the middle of it as a referee. Instead, he reached forward for food. He debated a moment, then chose a slice of pizza. Carlton was just relaxing back into the couch, blatantly breaking the no-feet-on-the-coffee-table rule he'd established for Shawn on Day 1 of their relaionship when his cell phone went off. He pulled it from his pocket and read the text message.

"Cum here, plz?"

Observing that Gus and Shawn were still slapping and pinching each other, Carlton walked to the bathroom door and leaned crosslegged against the frame with his arms crossed over his chest. Juliet was bent over the sink, shaking and silently crying, with her eyes on the tests lined up next to each other on his sink. How she'd managed to produce enough urine for five pregnancy tests, Carlton will never know. She saw him standing there from the corner of her eye and turned to choke- er, hug him VERY tightly. He had seriously thought she was upset, but apparently he was wrong.

"Oh my God, Carlton! Positive!" she squealed happily into his shoulder, her tears making his shirt stick to the skin which meant the skin around that area was going to be sticky for a while. Carlton heard the unmistakeable sounds of the slap fight in the other room stop abruptly. Juliet started jumping up and down in excitement, but she immediately stopped herself. She froze, balanced on her toes and looked up at Carlton.

"What?" he asked her anxiously, his arms still tightly gripping her shoulders. He looked her over head to toe, but found no anomalies in her appearance.

"Can I still jump?" She giggled at the look he gave her and hugged him again. He sniffed in mild irritation and scrunched his nose.

"O'Hara..." he started, fully intent on lecturing her when the Dynamic Duo crowded into the bathroom behind him.

"Jules!" Shawn yelled happily. He had immediately spotted the tests and the results by the sink. He started bouncing up and down before Gus could figure anything out.

"SO?" Gus asked excitedly, by her side in mere seconds. She turned to Gus and giggled into his neck, jumping up and down again. "Positive!"

Shawn smiled widely at Carlton as Gus started shouting happily, reaching voice pitches that even Juliet couldn't reach on a good day.

Gus and Juliet left as soon as everyone had eaten enough food for an army. They had a lot of people to tell, appointments to make, parties to plan, things to do, STUFF to buy. Carlton was exhausted anyway, so he wasn't too upset to bid them goodnight. Shawn, however, watched their car until it disappeared from his view and then proceeded to pout for an hour.

One hour. Sixty minutes. 3,600 seconds. 36,000 deciseconds. 360,000 centiseconds. 3,600,000 milliseconds. 3,600,000,000 microseconds. 3,600,000,000,000 nanoseconds. 3,600,000,000,000,000 picoseconds.

It got to be too much for Carlton. He was tired of pretending to read the same magazine in his hands. What did he care what a picosecond was and how it related to a microsecond? It wasn't even that interesting. Eventually, he turned to Shawn with a threatening look.

"Shawn, if you do not want me to shoot you, you will tell me why you keep pouting and following me around like a lost puppy."

Sigh. Shuffle shuffle. Sigh.

"Shawn..."

Huff. Plop. Sigh. Kick kick kick.

"Spencer!" Carlton yelled. Shawn looked up at him, shock and disbelief written all over his face.

"Did you just call me Spencer?" He sounded truly shocked at what had just come from Carlton's mouth. "You never call me Spencer anymore..." he whispered in a small voice.

"Yes, I did just call you Spencer. I haven't been this angry in almost a year. Then again, you managed to go an entire year without burning my kitchen down, so I had no reason to be so angry. Now, will you stop acting like a sullen three year old and just tell me what the hell is wrong with you?" Carlton walked over to where Shawn had plopped on one of the couches and stood between the younger man's legs. Shawn's bottom lip jutted out a moment, then he slouched further down into the couch.

"It's just... now that Gus is having a baby, I won't get to see him as much," Shawn whined, looking like he was about to start crying. Carlton briefly imagined him with a binky in his mouth and a security blanket in his hand. He blinked and quickly brought himself back to the land of the living.

"Are you changing your mind about having one of your own?" Carlton asked, unsuccessfully willing his dread and sadness to stay out of the question. If so, he'd have to call tomorrow to cancel their appointment for Wednesday...

"There was never any doubt about that, Carly. I want a baby, we're getting one." Carlton rolled his eyes and Shawn tossed his head to the side. "But Jules isn't gonna let Gus come over as much!" He kicked the coffee table again.

'Why can't Gus come over to play?' The Spencer-child was back and Carlton snorted at the imaginary child-sized Shawn whining about his friend missing a playdate.

"You know, you'll still see him," Carlton tried to console Shawn. His boyfriend looked up at him hopefully.

"Yeah?" he asked, one corner of his mouth quirking up a bit. He grabbed one of Carlton's hands and held on tight.

"Yeah," Carlton said and smiled. He moved from between Shawn's legs and sat by him on the couch. Shawn curled up into his side, trying to steal his warmth like a greedy kitten. "Now, what were you thinking? A little girl or a little boy?"

"I want a little boy. I've always wanted a boy named Killian."

"Strong name," Carlton remarked.

The two talked until three in the morning, talking about their hopes and dreams for their future child...ren.

"Detective Lassiter, a moment?" Carlton turned from looking at the baby clothing and accessories catalog in his hand to see Buzz looking at him expectantly. The officer held two coffees from Carlton's favorite shop in his hands. He handed the larger of the two to Carlton and smiled.

"What is it, McNab?" Carlton paid closer attention and waited.

"Did you hear about Detective O'Hara?" he leaned in, acting like some old biddy wanting to gossip over the fence. Carlton snorted at the image of Buzz as an old gossiping biddy. Oh, and because of the situation, of course.

"She was at my house when she found out, McN- Buzz." Buzz's eyes took on dinner-plate proportions. He started stuttering and choked a little in shock before he could force the words from his mouth. He glanced left to right and behind him before he spoke.

"You aren't...? I mean, you didn't...?"

"God, no! Sh-Spencer would kill- you know, no. Guster is the father of that child, I promise." He was prepared to walk away when Buzz spoke again, quieter this time.

"And you?" His tone was warmer, happier, more genuine. Carlton looked up into the other man's face and actually smiled.

"Yes, well, we're meeting with an agency tomorrow, actually." He paused a moment in clear suspicion. "How did you find out?"

Buzz's smile made Carlton smile again. "Shawn was in here this morning. You just got here, didn't you?"

"Yes, I did. Are you sure? He was at home when I woke up this morning," Carlton said. His eyebrows pulled together as Buzz fidgeted.

"Uh, yeah. It was him. He was here way earlier. Like, 5? 6? Well, I have to go file these," Buzz said while holding up some folders. "We should get a drink later, you know, as a celebratory thing." Buzz smiled one of his easy smiles as he walked away. Carlton nodded to himself. He was really starting to like Buzz. Maybe he should invite him and his wife over for dinner sometime...

He turned a corner and felt the content expression fall from his face. What the hell happened to his desk? Carlton took three steps closer. It was literally gone. His desk had been replaced by a crib/changing table... thing... and his rolling chair was now a rocking chair. At least his computer had only been moved to a... nightstand. He was going to kill Spencer. Oh, yes.

"What do you think?" a voice whispered in his ear as arms wrapped around his waist.

"Cute, but if my desk and chair aren't back in fifteen minutes, I'm finally going to strangle you. This time I mean it, Shawn," he spoke quietly and turned around to see Shawn smiling at him? "What are you smiling about?"

"You. Me. I'm so totally the girl, by the way," Shawn said.

"And so ends our three year debate. I win. What makes you say so?" Carlton asks, a small smirk replacing the grimace on his face.

"Dude, we're having a baby and the first thing I do is redecorate? I mean, come on!" Shawn used to be bothered about being 'the girl' in the relationship, but he had apparently decided to embrace it. How Shawn of him. Carlton sighed.

"You know I love you, right?" he asked and hugged Shawn tight to his chest. Shawn's yes ended in a squeak. "And now, Shawn, you're moving my furniture back. Hop to it." With that, Carlton stepped away to get the day's third cup of coffee. Let's hope there won't be anymore late night talks in his near future.

The next day, Carlton found himself on edge. He couldn't seem to sit still and found himself tossing back another coffee. He and Shawn's appointment with Bethany Schuh was in an hour and Juliet still hadn't come back from her appointment.

"Carlton!" Juliet's greeting rang out as she breezed back into the station.

"About time," he groused.

"What?" she turned to see Carlton standing and grabbing his jacket.

"I have to leave. Appointment. I'll be back as soon as I drop Shawn back off at home." He was already halfway to the door.

"Oh, okay. Let me know how it goes!" she called after him.

An hour and a half later, Shawn and Carlton walked back to Carlton's Crown Vic. Carlton was happy, yes, but Shawn was floating on air.

"She's already three months pregnant, Jules, and she's beautiful!" Shawn said as he held up some maternity pants to Juliet's waist. Today, being Saturday, was the perfect day to 'ditch the guys' and go shopping. Juliet needed maternity clothes and Shawn wanted to gossip.

"Really? Ooh, Shawn, hand me that jacket!" Shawn snagged the jacket right off the mannequin and tossed it onto the pile at their feet.

"You know, you will probably need some other kinds of clothes, too. Don't get me wrong, skirts and jackety-thingies are nice and all, but maybe you should look at pants, too?" Yet again, Juliet had disappeared. Shawn grumbled to himself a second before blonde hair came bouncing back into his vision.

"Had to pee,"she said in explanation. "Oh oh oh, do you think this would look good on me?"

To Shawn, it was another purple shirt. He shrugged and she tossed it into the pile

"Pants," he said with a smile and tossed down half a dozen pants, all in varying shades of boring. Juliet took a moment to sadly ponder the browns, blues, and blacks of the pants below her before she added some greys and denims to the pile as well.

"Hmm, maybe I should try these on..." she murmurs to herself, fingering a beaded tank next to her. Shawn reaches down, for the billionth time today he's sure, and scoops up the clothing. Her eyes light up when she smiles at him.

"C'mon," Shawn grunts and tosses the clothes, rather unceremoniously, onto the dressing room seat.

"Don't wander too far!" she calls. He half-hears. At this point in the day, the only thing he wants to hear is a certain somebody's sexy, half-Irish grumble in his ear. He pulls out his phone and quickly dials the number from memory.

"Shawn?" Carlton's rumbly voice makes him relax the shoulders he hadn't realized he'd tensed.

"Hey, you, Mr. Detective. How is you?" Shawn liked to pretend he didn't actually need to hear Carlton's voice when he wasn't around him. He usually failed miserably at that.

"Spencer, I'm at your father's house with Guster. How do you think I am?"

Shawn smiled. He loved when Carlton felt awkward, because he always reverted back to his I'll-call-you-by-your-last-name-only days. It was endearing. It was also much different than when Carlton decided to **seriously** call him Spencer... like the other night.

"I think you miss me," Shawn offered up.

"Well, of course I miss you, you idiot. It turns out we both miss you." Carlton paused. "All three of you," he amended a second later.

"AWWW! Lassiewassiekins, do you miss little Shawn or Shawnie?" Shawn's voice was teasing, but Carlton was still puzzled.

"Shawnie? Is that supposed to be-" Shawn vaguely heard someone snap at Lassiter, and then another voice was on the phone.

"Shawn! I already told you, Juliet and I are not naming our child after you. Discussion terminated," Gus said.

"But Guuuuuus!" Shawn whined. It was Carlton, though, who answered.

"He's already given the phone back, and before you ask, you are not naming the baby. We decide together," Carlton said. Shawn grinned. He could get his man to agree to anything given the right conditions. His plotting, naturally, was cut short.

"We decide when we're not in bed," Carlton added.

"How did you-?"

"Were you really about to ask that?" Carlton cut him off with a scoff. Shawn chuckled.

"Guess not," Shawn started to say, but when Juliet yelled for him to come check out this outfit, which totally looks so much better than that outfit, what really came out was "Oh my God, it's found me! It wants me to see more outfits! Did you know shopping with a woman can literally kill you! She hasn't stopped once. We had to take a break so **I** could catch **MY** breath. I thought you said pregnant women got tired easily? The only tired thing about her is Gus's credit card!"

"Shawn, I refuse to feel sorry for you. You volunteered. You had to learn sometime. Besides, maybe you can go look at baby stuff or something," Carlton said the last four words as if he were trying to make Shawn see the bright side of shopping with a woman, a woman who just found out she was pregnant at that.

"Yeah, I'm not buying it, Carlypoo."

"Shutup, Shawn."

"Shawn, is that Carlton on the phone?" Jules was already reaching for the phone. Smiling evilly, Shawn handed her the phone and caught a confused-sounding Lassie saying his name. For the next 47 minutes and 22 seconds, Juliet asked questions about the benefits of one shirt type over another when pregnant, where he thought she might find breast pumps, etc. That last topic was the last straw, Shawn could tell, because she stopped talking and he was pretty sure it had nothing to do with the new store they'd just walked in to.

"Okay, sure. Shawn, he wants to talk to you," Juliet said immediately before getting distracted by a display of rocking chairs and cushions to her left.

"I love you, please don't kill me, I'll make it up to you tonight. I promise. Handcuffs, door swing, that one thing I do with my tongue, whatever you want" Shawn said before the lecture could start.

"Uh, Shawn, I love you, too, but don't ever say that to me again," Henry said before coughing a little awkwardly.

"DAD? What the hell are you doing on Lassiebone's phone?" Shawn spat out before he realized what exactly he'd just said to his father. He groaned.

"Well, when that woman started off on her little... thing almost an hour ago, Carlton handed the phone to me." He could hear his father exhale roughly and shake himself. "What I wanted to say is that tonight I'm grilling some steaks. Carlton and Gus will be here, your, uh, Carlton invited a friend from work..."

"Dad, are you inviting me over to dinner? Willingly? Who's the friend from work?"

"Yes, I'm inviting you to dinner," Henry spat out. "When you two are done being princesses, you can stop by."

Shawn heard the dial tone in his ear. Though his father had snapped at him, like usual, his words didn't sting like they usually did. He felt his stomach drop. Pulling out his voice again, he dialed Carlton right back.

"Lassiter."

"Lassieface! You didn't look to see who it was? Doesn't matter. Did you tell my dad?"

"Yeah, cause I'm gonna do that, alone, while he's cutting steaks with that big-assed knife of his. Remind me again why you bought that for him?"

"He wanted one for the fish. Admittedly not my best idea."

"Ah."

"Yeah, I just wanted to make sure you hadn't said anything."

"I value my life, Shawn," Carlton said. Shawn could hear him accept a drink from someone.

"Don't drink it, Lassie! It could be poison!"

"It's a Shirley Temple, Shawn, I watched Gus make it myself."

"You're drinking a Shirley Temple? And people think I'm the woman!"

"You told me yourself you were last night, Shawn. If there's nothing else, I'm hanging up now."

"Wait, this one's serious!"

"What is it?" Carlton seemed genuinely curious.

"You have a friend? Seriously? Who is it?"

"Goodbye, Shawn. Don't forget we agreed to tell Henry tonight."

Click.

"Well, damn. He actually hung up on me!" Shawn whined to himself.

He spent the next three hours chasing after Juliet, his arms weighed down by an increasingly alarming amount of shopping bags.

"Never again," Shawn proclaimed yet again while taking a drink of the tea Carlton had made. He and Juliet had arrived at Henry's an hour ago, the Crown Vic filled to capacity with maternity clothes, baby clothes, baby shoes, baby toys, baby... everything! It hadn't been too long before all of these things were strewn about Henry's kitchen, to the feigned annoyance of Henry himself. Shawn, Gus, and Carlton had escaped to the front porch after about half an hour of Juliet's baby madness.

"Shawn, you did this to yourself." This had been the standard answer Gus had given every time Shawn had whined about his adventure.

"He has a point, Shawnie," Carlton agreed. Shawn's only response was a childish raspberry aimed in his boyfriend's direction.

"Nice, Shawn. Real mature. What would your children think?" Juliet asked as she breezed onto the front porch.

"Shh, Jules, Henry doesn't know yet..." Shawn warned. "Are you done with all of that baby... stuff?"

"For now. Buzz and Francie said they had brought some stuff with them. They went to the car to get it."

"You know, Carlton, I didn't know you even spoke to Buzz, let alone were friends with him," Shawn said, turning to look at Carlton.

"Well, yes, I'm allowed to have friends. After you 'redecorated' at the station, he kinda figured it out and asked about it," Carlton informed Shawn. "Oh, speaking of... Are you ready, Shawn?"

Shawn huffed and turned to his best friend. "Make sure they don't put me in a suit for the funeral, 'kay?"

"God, Shawn, you're not admitting to murder; you're telling him about our child," Carlton smacked Shawn a little, then stood up. "You coming?"

Shawn started humming a dirge under his breath as he followed Carlton inside.

* * *

Chapter 6 is up. I'm so sorry it took so long. I've been dealing with the loss of my dog and some other things, so I'm just now getting back to normal. I hope you guys enjoy it.

Jaspre Rose


	7. Chapter 7

Title: Three Men & A Baby

Author: Jaspre

Warning: Slashy Shassie. Gules. Some language. :) Pretty much, all of the good stuff.

Summary: Carlton puts the clues together before anyone else. Predictable, but I loved writing it! As I mentioned previously, this is Shassie & Gules. Rated M for specific parts (aka the aforementioned male sexin ).

Disclaimer: I make no claim on the Psych characters. I'm making no money on this story.

CHAPTER 7

"Would you please calm down?" Carlton hissed under his breath. He slapped a hand down on Shawn's bouncing knee. "Seriously."

Shawn stopped bouncing his knee and fidgeted in his seat a bit. "I can't help it, Lassie. This is a really bad idea. Not the baby part; the telling my dad part. I don't care what you say, I think he may kill one or both of us. You remember what he thinks about me having kids. We had the conversation just last weekend, man! He's not going to have changed his mind that quickly."

"For the last time, he told you that you were an over-grown child. He didn't say he would inflict physical harm on you if you wanted one."

"I disagree. Completely. And did you see the way he was looking at us when we walked in?" Shawn spoke in a panicked whisper. "I think he knows."

"Calm down, Shawn. He's just using the bathroom," Carlton said, sounding bored. He tried not to laugh at the grimace on Shawn's face.

"Yeah, he's probably just looking for something he can use to kill me-"

"He is not, you paranoid-"

"-then you, too. Did you hear what he said?"

"Yes, I did. He said 'Hold on, gotta go' and 'I'll be right back.' Perfectly harmless."

"Unless he's looking for a sledgehammer."

"Listen to me. Your father isn't going to kill you or me. Like I told you outside, you're not confessing to a crime; you're telling your father the good news about-"

"Shh! He's coming!"

"Breathe. Calm down. And remember I will slap you again if I have to."

"Not if I slap him first," Henry cut in while settling himself on the couch. "Okay, I'm here, so tell me what you need to."

Henry looked from Shawn to Carlton, eyebrow raised. His eyes went back to his son.

"Uh," Shawn began when he realized Carlton was making him tell Henry, "did you know you could grow your own pineapple with the head of a store-bought pineapple?"

"What?" Henry asked, sounding confused.

"Yeah, I found it online the other day. You just chop the head off and-"

"Shawn," Henry and Carlton said together, one man sounding irritated and one man sounding exasperated.

"That's what you needed to tell me?" Henry asked, standing up. "I thought you had _actual_ news to share. I have burgers on the grill and zero patience to deal with-"

"No," Carlton interrupted. Henry stopped talking and looked at him. Carlton gave Shawn a scowl before continuing. "No, we actually wanted to tell you that-"

"Carlton Lassiter, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say _can _and _will _be used against you at home."

"Shawn, STOP IT."

"Do you lack the ability to do so?" Shawn asked him.

Carlton elbowed Shawn and continued talking to Henry. "We wanted to tell you that we've decided to adopt a child."

Henry sank back to the couch and stared first at his son and then at Carlton, his mouth hanging open the entire time. After several long moments of silence, he shook himself.

"What?"

"Shawn and I have decided to adopt a child."

"You and... my son?" Henry clarified disbelievingly. Shawn braced himself; in the likely event that any sledgehammers, pitchforks, etc. happened to materialize, he wanted to be ready.

"Yes."

Shawn twisted his hands and looked at Carlton. "Dad? Um, I know this is a lot to take in. Maybe we should go outside and... witnesses."

Henry ignored his son's babbling and instead focused an intent gaze upon him. He looked at Shawn for a few silent moments, then spoke.

"Are you sure about this? This isn't something you can get rid of when you get tired of being a... parent."

"Yeah, I know and I'm sure I want to do this," Shawn answered. Henry looked surprised; his son's answer had been so immediate, he'd barely had time to blink before Shawn was answering him. This was new.

"Did Carlton pressure you? I mean, raising a child is a lot of work. It takes responsibility, patien-"

"Patience- something you don't have. Point is, I'm ready. Yes, it will take work. No, Carlton did not pressure me. It was actually MY idea to have a baby."

Henry again looked dumbfounded. "Yours?"

"Mine, Dad."

"You're really going to do this then?" he asked slowly.

"Yes."

Henry looked between the two, then cleared his throat. His eyes drifted down to the carpet and he lifted a hand to scratch his chin. The minutes began stretching on, making Shawn nervous. Carlton shifted his legs minutely, wishing he could pace; the silence was dull and he wanted to be doing something, _anything _but sitting still and listening to the silence.

"I hope you know what you're doing," Henry finally told them.

"We do, Dad," Shawn answered with a small grin on his face.

"Well, that's something. Do you know what age group you're wanting? You also have to remember that an adoption can sometimes take a very long time. Could take years before you have the one you want. Are you both willing to wait that long?"

"Actually," Carlton began.

"We've found our child!" Shawn announced with a pleased smile.

"What?" Henry asked again, this time in shock and confusion. "How long have you been looking?"

"Since Wednesday," Carlton answered. Henry raised an eyebrow.

"Of what year?"

"This one, Dad, duh."

"Then how have you already decided? You're not just deciding upon the first child you see, are you? How have you-"  
"Henry, let me explain. We had an appointment this week to discuss our options with our advisor, Bethany Schuh. She told us about a woman named Morgan Groves. She was-"

"More like a teen, Dad. She's 16 and just so happens to be Mrs. Schuh's oldest daughter, from her previous marriage."

"How is any of that relevant?"

"Oh, right. She's-"

"Shawn. Point is, the girl is wanting to do a closed adoption."

"Like in that one movie with that name." Shawn asked, looking perplexed. "The one with the baby and the girl that hangs out with the guys. What was that movie?"

"Three Men & A Baby?" Carlton asked, once again getting sidetracked.

"Sylvia Bennington didn't put her baby up for adoption, Lassie. That _is _a good movie, though. I liked that part where-"

"Shawn," Henry tried to interrupt.

"-And they see the baby just kinda chilling there. Maybe we can get Gus to do a movie night. We can get-"

"Shawn!" The younger man turned to his father. "I just want to get to the point of this. What all do you know so far?"

Carlton spoke instead. "Sorry. Morgan wanted-"

Shawn snapped his fingers. "Juno!"

"-closed adoption. She and her mother agreed that she couldn't raise a child at sixteen, especially with her hopes to attend Harvard one day. A child would ruin that for her. You know, aside from getting pregnant so early in life, she's a very smart girl. Anyway, after we explained what we were wanting to do, Mrs. Schuh told us that her daughter was interested in the closed adoption."

"And she's beautiful, Dad. She almost looks like Mom," Shawn told him.

"Right. She's only 14 weeks right now and doesn't know the baby's sex yet, but she's promised to let us know when she finds out."

"You'll have a while to wait," Henry informed them. "You can't usually find out until around 5 months."

"No kidding?" Shawn asked seriously. He sat forward and rested his elbows on his knees, looking entranced. "Does 'that,'" he waved his hand towards his groin, "really not happen until then?"

"Huh?" Henry asked. He glanced to Carlton, but found him to be just as confused.

"I mean, does none of the baby's business form until then?"

"Shawn, quit talking about our baby's 'business.' That's just wrong."

"I was truly curious," Shawn grumbled, but dropped the subject. He made a mental note to look it up on Wikipedia later.

Henry rolled his eyes and turned to Carlton. "So you are for sure the couple this Morgan is going with?"

"Yes, Henry, she has decided on us. Mrs. Schuh is arranging a meeting between all of us so we can do all of the official paperwork. She is supposed to call me when everything's ready."

"Will you be taking care of her medical bills?"

"No, if you can believe it. She's making Morgan's boyfriend and his parents pay for them."

"Wow. Do you realize how lucky you two are?"

"Yes, actually."

"Good." Henry paused and stood up, stretching slightly. "Well, I have burning burgers to attend to."

Without another word, Henry walked out onto the patio and grabbed the spatula from Buzz's hands. Carlton turned to Shawn.

"See? You're not dead."

"I know. I'm frankly surprised. I'd expected anger. We didn't get anything at all..." Shawn stared out the window at a laughing Henry.

"Shawn, maybe you should go talk to-" Carlton began. He changed his mind and just shook his head. "Never mind."

"Brilliant change of mind, there, Lassie. Shall we go get some charcoal before everyone else gets them?"

"I'm sure they're not that badly burned," Carlton laughed. He stood and tugged Shawn up beside him. "And if they are, you can just cover them in pineapple, right? Problem solved."

"Lassie!" Shawn sounded surprised. "I would never disgrace a pineapple! Imagine, putting such a beautiful fruit on top of a burnt burger. What were you even thinking?"

"Uh, that you do it _all the time_?" Carlton asked with an eyebrow raised.

"I don't know what you are talking about, Detective Lassiter," Shawn said before walking away.

"Sure. Oh, and Shawn?" Carlton said when he was outside next to Shawn.

"Lassie?"

"Speaking of growing your own pineapple, either buy your own cake pans next time you start a pineapple garden in the bathroom or I'll kill you."

"No, you won't."

"Yes, I will."

"No, you won't."

"Don't push me."

"Lassie," Shawn whined. "You loved the garden!"

"Having to step around an army of pineapple heads growing in cake pans _in my bathroom_ is not fun. I hated it."

"No, you didn't."

"Yes, I did."

"No, you didn't."

"Shawn," Carlton warned irritably.

"What?"

"I _will _decapitate you next time you use my pans for a garden. End of story."

"Lassieeee!"

"Whaaaaat?" Carlton mocked him.

"Decapitation seems a little much, don't you think?"

"How about if I blow you up with dynamite?" Carlton deadpanned.

"Ha ha."

"Seriously, those were my mother's pans. I deserve to be a little touchy about it."

"Wait! Hold the show," Shawn said loudly and threw his hands up. "You said 'next time,' Carlito. I knew it! You _love _pineapples!"

"They are good."

"Yeah, but you'd never let me have a watermelon or kiwi garden in the bathroom. Pineapples," Shawn said with a victorious jog around Carlton, "are your favorite!"

"I didn't even want your pineapple garden in there."

"You so did."

"Did not."

"Did."

"Seriously, Shawn? Raising a newborn is going to be hard enough. I didn't realize I was going to be doing it alone, with another child in his 30's to raise, too."

"Not nice, Lassie."

"Too bad."

Henry interrupted their bickering by announcing that dinner was done. Everyone grabbed the plates and food, then took a seat at some picnic tables Shawn claimed he had "built" (aka bought) for just such occasions as this. Carlton praised Shawn's dad, and Buzz by proxy, for doing so well on the burgers; they weren't even close to being burnt!

"As you may or may not already know," Henry spoke to the small group, "we're celebrating because Juliet and Gus have recently found out they are going to be parents."

"Congratulations," Buzz told them while Francie squeezed Juliet's hand.

"Now we are also celebrating because I'm going to be a grampa soon," Henry added with a small smile. Shawn's mouth fell open, showing chewed up pineapple to everyone. "Carlton and Shawn have decided to adopt."

Gus and Buzz clapped a stunned Shawn on the back, Francie smiled widely, and Juliet hugged Carlton. "We're glad you finally know, Henry," Juliet called out over the noise of conversations going on.

"And we're glad you aren't upset about this," Carlton told him after everyone had finished talking. "It really means a lot to us. Doesn't it, Shawn?"

Carlton turned to see Shawn still looking at his father.

"Shawn?" Gus asked.

"Uh," Shawn said and shook his head. "Are you feeling okay, Dad? That almost sounded like you were happy."

Henry snorted. "Yeah, kid. Now you'll experience the kind of hell you've put _me _through your entire life."

"Aww," Juliet cooed. "That's so sweet, Henry. I didn't realize you were such a sweetheart."

Henry acted gruff. "I'm not. It's just time for payback."

"Uh huh," she replied, smirking. He grumbled under his breath and asked for the potato salad to be passed down. Instead of grabbing the bowl from Gus, Shawn smiled so big, his cheeks hurt.

"Thanks, Dad," he whispered in Henry's ear.

"I'm not excited," Henry answered.

"You said 'grampa,' not 'grandpa' or 'grandfather.' You're excited."

"Shut up and pass me the damn potato salad," Henry deflected.

"'Kay, gramps."

"Don't ever call me that again," Henry grouched.

"Gramps?"

Henry went to grab at Shawn, but Carlton diverted Henry's attention by asking about his grilling technique.

"You take away all the fun, Lassie," Shawn grumbled under his breath. His attention soon was captured by the women.

"Did you use anything during the birth?"

"No, I wanted to do it naturally," Francie was telling Juliet. Shawn's eyes widened and he looked in pain.

"You squeezed out a watermelon without anything?" The women turned to look at him, both looking amused.

"Yeah," Francie answered, then laughed. "Biggest mistake of my life. I will never take my mother's advice again. Next time, I want to be able to punch my legs and not feel it."

Juliet laughed. "I don't blame you, Fran."

"So, baby shower?" Shawn asked Juliet. Her eyes lit up and she clapped her hands together.

"Shall we do it together?" she giggled.

"I think we can do that. Hold on. Hey, Lassie. Joint baby shower- accepted practice or in bad taste?"

"How should I know?" Carlton asked, confused.

"Accepted practice, then," Shawn answered his own question. "After we eat, we can talk about it some more."

After everyone had eaten their fill, Shawn and the ladies went inside; they were in search of pens and paper to start their party planning. The men watched them go, then moved away from the tables. Henry passed around a few beers from the cooler before settling back in his own lawn chair by the fire Buzz was building.

"Do you ever feel like we're being deserted?" Carlton asked the others. He received head nods in the affirmative.

Henry took a sip of beer and sighed. "You learn to live with it."

Buzz coaxed a small flame on the log pile into a warm, crackling fire. Proud of himself, he sat down in his chair and took a grateful sip of beer. Though it was only the middle of August, a cool breeze had recently taken up residence in Santa Barbara; it made the fire feel especially cozy tonight. The men sat silently, enjoying the darkening sky and the warm fire that was keeping the cold away. None of the men noticed the women and Shawn approach from behind.

"Pretty, isn't it?" Juliet asked quietly. Gus turned, caught sight of her, and nodded.

"Yeah."

"It makes me want to paint a night sky on the baby's wall," she told him in a dreamy voice.

"That's a really good idea, Jules," Shawn said. "I was thinking about pineapples."

"Of course you were," Carlton said with a slight grimace.

"No, not for the room. Although, how cute would that be? I was just saying I needed to remember to buy more pineapple tomorrow when we go shopping."

"What _do _you see for the baby's room?" Juliet asked curiously.

"I don't have a specific design in mind, but I want the colors to be either grey and yellow or crimson and turquoise. I haven't decided yet."

"Or asked me," Carlton noted.

"Meh."

"You're not gonna win that one, Carlton," Henry told him. Carlton gave him a look. "Just trust me on this one. Maddie got her way, too."

"I don't... even know how to take..." Carlton gave up trying to talk.

"Look, you're already learning- give 'em what they want and you live another day," Henry congratulated him. Buzz snorted so obnoxiously, he inhaled a bit of beer through his nose. He coughed violently while the others laughed at Henry's little piece of wisdom about parenthood.


End file.
